Chapter 2 from unfinished Novel: The Autumn
By Morgan Murphy
2
The days they just kept coming. Every single day shorter than the last. A
photo book of brief memories and short experiences and bleak thoughts. A photo
book gripped at the corners and flipped through rapidly by a thumb letting
gravity suck each photo into the past. Every photo shown for less than a second
and every thought gone before it began. Every thought of tomorrow was a mirror
reflection of the day before.
This day was different. 6 am. Alex woke up. Left his filthy bed. Left his
filthy apartment. Set foot down the cold sodden wooden stairs and made for the
nearest grassy patch of land. His bare feet turned blue with every step. The
calling of the thick autumn grass was ceased as his feet collided with it. He stood
with his feet burrowed in the wetness of the dew. Standing with his head in his
hands. A deep and overwhelming feeling came over him like death himself
emerging from a soil churned pit in the ground. The feeling of loss and
desperation, he felt his loss rise above him. And finally. He began to cry.
The morning sun shone through the empty trees onto every blade of wet
grass. The small river that travelled past his flat and went into a forest nearby.
The forest very uninteresting and almost too far away to be of any importance
to Alex’s life. The factory attached to his flat was silent all through the day,
the workers wouldn’t turn up until 9. Alex’s breaths were fast and each exhale
let off a large puff of thick mist into the air.
His deep frozen feet began to move. Numbly he realised he wanted to walk.
In the back of his mind the route was already planned out. In the foreground
of his mind, her. Always her. No matter where or when it needed to be in use,
it was always her.
The path he walked was slightly trodden. With trees on either side of him
a rocky and frosty mud path before him. The trees were naked. Without their
leaves and instead a thick frosty dew hung from their thin branches. At the end
of this path there was an estate that was the home of some young families and
pensioners. The path would have only been trodden by dog walkers. Each dog so
familiar with the route that it need not be attached by a lead. Each dog walker
on the same path as Alex. Alex always wanted a dog. An alternative direction
could be taken that lead to a clearing. Alex remembered walking there with
Hector once. Probably years ago now. Hector was not someone he wanted to think
about.
As the trees began to separate and the clear sky opened out he was clear
of any trees the space he stood occupied only by him and one other. The
clearing was all but empty the long grass was dark and thick. The light snap of
a stick in the near distance just caught Alex’s dazed attention. He looked
across the open space and into the black eyes of a beast. Frozen in time and
also partly frozen from the cold Alex stood there practically naked. The beast
was silent. How could something so huge be so quite? The beast watched his
every move. From his shivers to his shakes. As steam began to bellow from its
nostrils the man began to breathe also. Alex felt like this animal. He felt
alone. He felt like the wilderness was his home. He felt he would happily stare
into the sky and grow antlers on his forehead. And then be accepted as one of
them. An animal. A deer. As one of his new friends.
The stag still watched him. Still stared into his very soul. Had anybody paid
Alex this much attention before he would not have noticed the intensity. His
brown coat almost blending in with the woods. Thick skin and tough short fur.
His antlers stood tall high above Alex. Like a crown above his head all twisted
and twined. Alex looked at the deer. To him the stag was a god. Someone he was
beneath. The stag had lost interest in Alex and bowed down to begin sniffing
the ground. Almost synchronised with the deer Alex crouched down to the level
of the deer. His eyes scanned the area and fell back upon the deer. Perhaps the
deer was enjoying his company too. As he stared at the deer Alex’s face began
to change, feeling different feeling that company. He began to smile. The first
expression that had fallen on his face for a long time. He and the deer were
together. His friend began to make eye contact again. His thick neck a huge
collection of soft brown fur began to pivot back into the air. Perfectly
balanced. His pointy ears began to flutter around. His black hole eyes were tired
and hungry. His antlers still stood high and unbroken there was pieces of moss
and grass crammed into the sharp crevices in his crown. Alex sat like a small
child adoringly watching his father. His smile was so far across his face it
met the tears trailing from his eyes. This deer was the only other living being
he had been able to relate too before. The Deer’s ears stood up. Flitting about
in the open air. The beast began to trot delicately out of sight.
As he left the woods he dropped his emotions. He was alone again.
The air so open anything could inhabit it. The space he stood in
inhabited only by a man. A man whose tears could have frozen in his hands.
Alex began to shiver. He was awake now. More awake than he had been for
the last two weeks. But this time emotionally and mentally awake. The walk into
the fresh air, the tears, and the emotions let go. Awake. Today of all days.
Today he could bring back his life. He could claim himself again. Some may take
an occasion like this as a sign, a blessing, maybe a message from god. But Alex
didn’t think like that and he wouldn’t start thinking like that today.
The thick black eyes haunted him. As he climbed the steps to his flat all
he could think of was the stag. The beautiful deer. As he opened the door and
returned to his bed, his skin hardened and the hairs on his body shot into the
air. The morning light shone into the big room. The gap in the curtain letting
the sweet autumn sun into the space. He went back to sleep. This time it was
real sleep.
I hope you enjoyed that. That was one of the few complete chapters from my book and i hope to add more to each chapter at some point. This story about Alex and his discovery of who he is and what he has become after his marriage is what keeps me wanting to write. I will post more chapters when I finish them. Let me know what you thought in the comments or send me an email at morgan_murphy@hotmail.co.uk
